May 13, 2013

My GPS is Possessed

I need to share a funny story that happened to me on the way to work this morning.

I was driving in my car when I saw a person holding a large sign with a "50% off" right next to a second hand store called "Value Village". Now, you need to know that I live in Winnipeg, a Bargain Capital of the World. To a Winnipegger nothing screams attention more than a deal like 50% off used underwear or socks. We don't have huge LED signs announcing a sale, but when you see someone holding a large sign like that, your neck snaps.

So there I was, driving and snapping my neck and my instant thought was, CALL WIFE! She needs to know about the sale! So, my car doesn't have a built-in hands-free, but my recently purchased GPS has bluetooth calling. Oh and it's voice activated, because I splurged while saving my Canadian Loonies in used stores.

I haven't used the hands-free option yet, but have recently linked it with my phone book.
I prompted my Garmin to call my wife, by saying "Call Jennifer".

You know instantly that you have a cheap GPS when it mistakes the name and instead replies with "Calling Jeff Becerra". Jeff of course is THE metal legend, frontman of death metal pioneers Possessed, who has unfortunately been paralyzed following a shooting. Jeff and I are facebook friends and since the GPS downloaded my entire phone book, Jeff's number is also on the list.
I quickly yelled at my Garmin "STOP!!!" "QUIT", "CANCEL", I started to panic, I don't know the command I need to use. I quickly tried voice command again and promptly asked it to call my wife by carefully enunciating her name this time.

After a brief moment a voice gets on the Garmin. I thought it was my wife, somewhere between my noisy car and the shitty sound coming out of the crappy speaker, I was sure it was her, but it wasn't. I didn't know this yet, but I was talking to Jeff's sister, girlfriend or wife.

"Hello" - said a voice, which I could barely hear.
"Hey, guess what? They have a 50% sale at Value Village!"
"What?" - I hear back.
"Yeah! - 50% off" - I'm happy to announce.
"What'?" - I could tell that she could not understand me well.
"THEY HAVE A 50% OFF AT VALUE VILLAGE!!!" - now I'm really yelling.
"Fuck, this speaker sucks" - I added.
"I can barely hear you" - was her reply, as I already suspected.
I decided to fiddle with the controls to increase the speaker volume.
"Who is this?" - the girl on the phone says.
"C'MON JEN, IT'S ME, I'M CALLING FROM THE GPS!!!" - I continue to yell.
"What!?!" - she's getting impatient too.
"Who are you looking for?!?" - she said very puzzled.
"Jennifer?" - My voice calmed down imagining I screwed up something badly.
"You've got the wrong number" - she said politely.
"Sorry" - I turned red and hung up.

Then I begun to think about it. I was calling California (very early in the morning, as I am 2 hours ahead) talking to a relative or significant other of someone I truly respect about a 50% sale at Value Village.


Anonymous said...

epic FAIL

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