Dec 22, 2012

Top 10 most unsexy metal album covers


Displaying some skin on an album cover is not a guarantee that it will turn out sexy. Just remember, I could have picked a gazillion sick, sick, SICK gore grind album covers, but I didn't because, well, this is a family-oriented blog.

10. SCORPIONS - Animal Magnetism


Scorps where synonymous with symbols of sex, Klause Meine, cover of Virgin Killers or Lovedrive.
In this case, the dude is about to get blown by a dog. While the doberman watches. Uh! SICK!

9. RAVEN - The Pack is Back


How do you make a successful return? Well, when you were returning in the 80s, you would borrow wardrobe from Manowar. Uhm... what wardrobe?

8. TED NUGENT - Love Grenade


Unless you get a hard-on when you see a gun, or in this case a grenade, there is nothing sexy about Ted Nugent, whether he is on the cover or not.

7. THE GREAT KAT - Bloody Vivaldi


Just because you claim you can shred, doesn't mean you should put your blood soaked saggies on the cover.

6. HAEMOPHAGUS / BONESAW - split


Aaah. Nothing like having a relaxing bath with... AAAAAAAARRRGHH!!!!!
Oh, it's only a rubber duck, phew!

5. DEVOURMENT - Molesting the Decapitated


I can't decide if wearing this shirt or "I fuck on first date" will get you laid faster.

4. RIOT - Narita


I know this album predates Photoshop, but what the fuck!?! You couldn't get the sumo wrestler to sign a release so you had to cover his face with a seal? At least they had the decency to cover his package too.

3. PUNGENT STENCH - Dirty Rhymes and Psychotronic Beats


Virtually every Pungent Stench album was very anti-sexy, this shows the same album cover, but in 4 different versions. I had the bottom left on a cassette. Imagine my surprise when I opened it up and saw those titties inside.

2. MANOWAR - Anthology


Like I said, this blog is family-friendly, so I did you all a favour and I covered up all that pornography on this super UNsexy, but now at least censored cover.

1. SODOM - Til Death Do Us Unite


Viewing pictures of nude pregnant women is a fetish for some, but adding a naked sumo wrestler and a skull to the shot has got to make your bone softer than the latest Stryper album.


1 comments:

Liam Oliver said...

Why did you censor the Manowar album? it is not pornographic. There is clothing beneath the red, yes theres not much clothing, and its totally weird, but at least its there, and not pornographic, unlike the uncensored Sodom and Pungent Stench albums. I sense bias.

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