Sep 30, 2012

Top 7 wimpy metal bands based on vicious animal names

You wouldn't name a sports team The Pigeons or The Poodles, for the same reason you wouldn't name a metal band after a non-violent animal such as Pony or Budgie. Oh, wait...

Anyway, metal, by default is a brutal sport and band names tend to be reflective of the nature of the beast. You know that a band like Mastodon (an extinct mammut) isn't going to sound like The Byrds and Lamb of God won't be as poopy as a Flock of Seagulls. Oh, and who the hell names their band Kittie?

Some metal bands portray some fearsome creatures, but don't seem to have enough bite.
Let's dissect those things and see why a sheep in wolf's clothing is a bad idea in the metal world.

7. Def Leppard
You could spell it right, but you'd have to buy a vowel, but when you pour some sugar on it, you end up with a noxiously sweet crap that cannot ever be classified as metal. This cat lost it's teeth before the drummer lost his arm, somewhere in the mid 80s. Man, that logo looks so deceiving, huh? Looks like it could belong to a thrash band. Want some irony? Def Leppard fans in 2012 are mostly deaf cougars.


6. White Lion
Even those housewives who dug that shit in the late 80s claim to have forgotten all about power ballads to which your dad got laid to the first time, such as "Wait" or this monstrosity. (Can you believe this song came out in the 90s? The chick in the vid does have a nice ass though). White Lion is another castrated cat that never actually had the balls or the metal roar. Let's get one thing straight. The only large hair metal cat worthy of true metalhead's time is Steel Panther. End of story poseurs.


5. Ratt
You'd think that a band with a name of a rodent that everyone wants dead, would be as unpleasing to the masses as GWAR, (hey even WASP tried harder), but when you browse through the discography of this rat with an extra "T" (certainly not a testicle) you see Polygram's 80s special favourites like "Round and Round" and "Lay it Down". Aaaaarggghhh! Wimpy.


4. Scorpions
While never a monster of rock to be recon with, The Scorps have some real rockers in their archives, but somehow they shamelessly ended up with terrible poppy overtones in the 90s. Die Scheiße like the entire Eye II Eye album took their stinger away.


3. Pantera
Adding this band to this list may sound like heresy to a lot of readers, but the fact remains that the 80s version of Pantera was a different breed. While you can tell Dimebag guitar tone (not yet the style) was emerging, the rest is plainly shitty, including the vocals of the new addition to the band, Phil Enselmo, who sounds like a pissed off pre-schooler wanting a candy really bad. This era of Pantera is best forgotten, the beast certainly showed it's claws and fangs, but not until much later.


2. Eagles of Death Metal
A lot of irony, but no iron in this name. The most deceiving stoner rock band posing as metal. OK, telling us that the band is a quirky combination of the sound of The Eagles crossed with death metal could be funny for the non-metal fan, but c'mon, with songs like Cherry Cola, Eagles of Death Metal make Poison or Cinderella sound like a depressive black metal duo.


1. Tygers of Pan Tang
Admit it, if you're not an old schooler, and never heard of this band you might be tempted to envision them having some hairy balls, but when you play the first few seconds of the song Hideaway, you're treated to a choir of nuns, well, ok, they're dudes, but do not sound like Tygers of Pan Tang, but rather Shavers of Poontang.

(Post artwork by Ali-Tunc)

Angel of Death (Disney version)

There are a lot of versions of this famous Slayer song about the infamous nazi butcher Josef Mengele.
This however is the only one that doubles as an educational bridge between World World II history and metal. While there is nothing funny about the holocaust, when you get to the guitar solos during this version of Slayer's Angel of Death and if you don't collapse in laughter, please email me, because I want to know that there is someone out there who has a sense of humour that has dipped below zero.

See video below.

Hammer Smashed Face (kids educational version)

Want your kid to become a doctor? Don't get him/her Operation or Medical Monopoly.
Let the kids listen to the educational version of Cannibal Corpse instead. See video below.

Sep 29, 2012

Blind (Virgin) Guardian

Sep 28, 2012

Manowar vs The Beatles

As per MetalSucks post.

Sep 25, 2012

Metal Artists by Metal Artists

This will likely be a regular feature of True Metalhead.

There are metal artists and then there are Metal Artists.
There are musicians performing the art of metal and there are artists who find a brush or a pencil as their tools of the trade. This is a tribute to the latter. Here is a showcase of some Deviant Art contributors.

Afterlife Gig

In 2010 we lost a few important musicians. Ronnie James Dio, Peter Steele and Paul Gray. The artist pencilled in Dimebag Darrel and recently departed Avenged 7X drummer The Rev for a cool look at an afterlife gig.

Gaahl from Gorgoroth

This Chilean artist does some really cool work that is hard to define, using both traditional and modern mediums. This Photoshop comp of infamous Gaahl is both tastefully rendered and well executed.

Sepultura - Max Cavalera

Accurate portayal (note the four strings) of Max Cavalera during Sepultura days.
Be sure to check out some other (incredibly sexy actually) art from Gardraw. Not always metal, but guaranteed to be a feast for your eyes.

Steve Harris - Iron Maiden

Incredible hands of this creative individual have not only created this portrait of Maiden's monster bassist, but also the rest of the member of Iron Maiden. This Australian artist even offers some shading tutorials. Attention to details is fascinating. Up the Irons!

Celtic Frost

Featuring Franco Sesa, Tom G.Warrior and Martin Eric Ain. The Sadogoat Maniac is a big metalhead with his own style. Likely one of the coolest paintings of Celtic Frost this side of Giger.

Kerry King

If you thought this was a photograph, you'd be wrong, but don't feel ashamed. The works of Belarusian  metal master Luba are top notch and you're not the only one she managed to fool. While you check out her work, be sure to admire the portrait of Peter Tagtgren (Hypocrisy) - that one took her 30 hours to complete.

King Diamond

Dan is a great traditional artist, this King Diamond portrait (Fatal Portait?) reflects his catchy style very well. Landscapes found in his portfolio are particularly interesting. His other fave singer is Ronnie James Dio and I'd love to see Ronnie throwing the horns in Dan's style.

Musicians - Ozzy Osbourne

Quirky look at your typical Ozzy. The extensive gallery of this Swedish artist is worth browsing through if only to study some of the cruder exercises in quick doodles. 

Rob Halford of Judas Priest

Unique is an understatement when you browse through the gallery of this Canadian cartoonist and illustrator. I specifically looked for Halford portraits and this one jumped out at me and I singlehandedly picked it over anything else.

The Big 4

This is one badass illustration of Dave Mustaine, Scott Ian, Kerry King and James Hetfield. Probably from years before the concept of The Big 4 on one show became realistic.

Sep 23, 2012

Quest for the Cheesiest Promo Video (part 4)

Apparently there were some very surprised people when Rob Halford came out of the closet back in 1998. Some of those were long time fans of Priest. One has to wonder what were these people doing back in 1981 when the promo video for "Hot Rockin" (from the album "Point of Entry" no less) came out. While I don't believe this video could possibly win the Quest for the Cheesiest Promo Video, however it is rather hard to close an eye and ignore the rather cheesy looking synchronized guitars on fire or the scenes of singing sweaty men in a sauna.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
It simply means that even big name bands were not immuned to producing the occasional batch of cheese.

Sep 19, 2012

Scientist names newly discovered species after King Diamond

Full time metalhead, who also happens to be a scientist has honoured an icon of metal, King Diamond by naming a newly discovered, although extinct marine worm "Kingnites diamondi".

Professor of paleontology, Dr. Mats E. Eriksson stated that a 420 million year old fossil organism was recently discovered from Silurian rocks of Sweden and Estonia. The remains of a marine worm appears to be sporting jaws and while corpse paint is not easily distinguishable, the honouring of King Diamond is of he highest order.

Dr. Eriksson is no stranger to scientific discoveries. Back in 2006 he named another extinct marine polychaete annelid worm Kalloprion Kilmisteri after a legendary Motorhead frontman Lemmy Kilmister.

Source: Music Feeds

(Thanks Calvin Lee Jones)

Sep 17, 2012

Metal Vodka for President

OK, so I'm drunk and dyslexic. Correction, not Metal Vodka, but Russian Vodka. Not president, but mayor. Still, story is cool, funny and metal.

According to Russian Times, Sergey Troitskiy (a.k.a. Pauk, Russian for "spider"), the frontman of the Russian heavy metal band Коррозия металла (Corrosion of Metal), is running for mayor in the Moscow suburb of Khimki.

Troitskiy reportedly announced his decision to run for mayor in a series of videos posted on YouTube in which he put forth several "completely absurd" ideas, such as to only recruit Germans as civil servants, to turn the entire town into one big casino and to set up "gigantic oxygen-generating machines" to help Moscow cope with the summer heat. The musician also said that he planned to transform his informal "Heavy Metal Rock Corporation," or KTR, into a political party that would use the KTR acronym but be named "The Corporation of Working People of Russia." Pauk also vowed that if he won the mayoral elections, he would hold the KTR's founding convention in Khimki. FUCK YEAH!!! Hope he wins.

Formed in 1984, Коррозия металла is notorious for its provocative black-humor lyrics and public performances.

Check out the band's best-known song, "Russian Vodka" below. WARNING, WARNING!!!
Unless your boss likes titties (and I bet he does) maybe you should NOT play this at work.

(Source: Blabbermouth)

Sep 7, 2012

Modern Metal Djent Metalcore tutorial

For all you modern metal loving wanna-be-musicians out there. You gotta check out this tutorial on how to achieve the highly sought after sound of modern djent.
Inspired by Meshuggah and As I Lay Dying, the musical advice contained here is priceless, yet free.
Of course the old schoolers among you will want to check out this gem as well, since you already know that True Metalhead is a Master of Sarcasm, not a metalcore fanatic.
Enjoy the track "Cadillac Snake Dream" and some advice from OneClipLeft.

(Originally posted by MetalSucks)

Sep 3, 2012

Dee Snider is Not Gonna Take it unless money is on the table

Only days after Dee Snider publicly slammed Republican candidate Paul Ryan for using "We're Not Gonna Take it" at a political rally, we learn that had Ryan actually paid for the rights to use the song, Snider would have been OK with it.

Turns out Snider may claim that he can't, but he can take it, as long as they throw greenbacks in his trough. A hotel chain Extended Stay America, recently threw a bunch of money Snider's way and produced a 30-second spot designed around Twisted Sister's 1984 signature tune "We're Not Gonna Take It". The TV commercial was shot in April in Torrance, California. You can now watch the commercial at this location.

The hotel chain is not the first to feature the song. "We're Not Gonna Take It" was previously used in commercials for Claritin, Walmart, Stanley Steamer and Yaz birth control.

Word of advice for Republicans and politicians in general. If you need to stay current, buy stock music or be sure to dish out money for something that is up-to-date. Twisted Sister hasn't been relevant for nearly 30 years. What was their last album? A collection of Christmas carols released back in 2006.

Sep 1, 2012

Tattoo of Chad Kroeger jerking a guy off through a glory hole

Holy shit! I managed to give this post a title and a description in one.
I'm not nearly as talented or brave as this guy who tattooed Nickeback singer's face on his own ass!

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