Mar 30, 2012

Oderus Urungus to Dave Mustaine: "Shut the Fuck Up"

Bwahahaha. I'll let the man say the words. Maybe he will even get the 'Staine with his cuddlefish.

Mar 29, 2012

My Little Pony

Call him what you want, racist, homophobe, or a religious freak, but you can't call Dave Mustaine a weirdo. No weirdo I know poses to pictures with a pony without wearing a proper mask.

Mar 26, 2012

How not to paint a room

Surely all these guys would want is some weed and munchies, but I would still not hire them to paint any room in my house.

Mar 23, 2012

Relationship advice from GWAR

A young man struggling to get his longtime girlfriend's parents to like him wondered what he could do to get in their good graces. Lucky for him, melty-faced lead singer Oderus Urungus set him straight. "You can't. You are fucking his daughter, he is never going to like you. That's a fight you're never gonna win."

In response to a young lady who has having trouble meeting men, GWAR gave her a down-to-earth tip. "If you would look in the mirror, Anna, you are a woman. You don't need sex advice. All you have to do is say, 'Sex, please, now.' We hope this helps you find Mr. Right, Anna.

That and much more love advice is just one click away.

Mar 20, 2012

Steel Panther roasts Zakk Wylde

Not much to add, other than the Lita Ford bit is a classic and watch out for the Soaking of the Cork. People without a sense of humour - KEEP OUT!

Mar 19, 2012

Metal in Sign Language

File this under "Deaf Metal".

Tommy Fransson, 46, was hired by state broadcaster Sveriges Television (SVT) to provide sign language interpretation for deaf viewers of last weekend's Melodifestivalen music contest finals.
The challenging gig ended up paying big dividends for Fransson, however, with the unknown actor's unexpectedly passionate rendition of the song "Mystery" by Swedish metal band Dead By April catapulting him from relative obscurity to near instant celebrity.

Yes, I would have preferred a true metal band's performance in sign language, but this is still pretty awesome. Check it out below.

Mar 15, 2012

Adults Only store jerk

Sebastian Bach stars as a video store clerk named Shifty in "Adults Only", a web series about a former Olympic gold medalist, who after falling on hard times, is forced to accept a job managing his brother-in-law's adult video/novelty store.

Bach has posted a short "blooper" clip from "Adults Only". Check it out below.

Bored people who occasionally search for porn on YouTube (yeah, I know somebody who does) may easily be lured in by the xxx title moniker and can watch the web series via YouTube, and can learn more about the show and Sebastian's involvement at this location. (Facebook account necessary)

Missing vocals mystery solved

You can file this one under FREEBIE.

Dutch symphonic metallers EPICA are offering their song
"Serenade Of Self-Destruction" that closes their latest album "Requiem For The Indifferent" for free.
Simply because they forgot to include the version with vocals. Yeah, somehow the instrumental version of the song made it on the album.

How does this happen?
I've been racking my brain trying to come up with a few possibilities. How badly do you have to rush things into the store to make this kind of omission. Nobody listened to the final mix?

While EPICA offers the song for free, I am still waiting for METALLICA to offer a package of some of the material from their last 20 years re-recorded and mixed properly and a mind-numbing drug that allows me to forget some of the other releases.

While we're waiting for the Four Horsemen to come up with a solution to that, you can get the full EPICA song here curtesy of Nuclear Blast.

WARNING: For whatever stupid reason the label offers an mp3 and wav file in this download, so be prepared to expect 108MB to come down the pipe.

Mar 14, 2012

This is what playing non-plastic Guitar looks like

OK, so this kid is promising. Timing still off a bit, but it is nice to see him embrace real guitar (bet he didn't spend the last three years pressing "green-yellow-red-red-green") and real guitar icons. He's old school, but only 15 with a bright future ahead of himself. Calls himself "Shock" and hails somewhere from France. Has metalcore looks and I hope that is as close as he'll ever come to that mess.

Smashing Strippers

 According to The Pulse Of Radio, SMASHING PUMPKINS frontman Billy Corgan blasted the current state of the music industry and alternative rock on Monday (March 12) in an interview conducted by author Brian Solis at the South By Southwest music festival in Austin, Texas. Corgan joked that even artists with real talent would have to set themselves "on fire on YouTube" to attract attention nowadays, before he took a poke at the mentality he said was pervading the music business. Corgan explained, "[Artists that break through now] have grown up thinking that being famous is the goal. Not to be respected. Not to be dangerous." But, he warned, "[Once you make that deal] you're just the fresh stripper."

Corgan admitted to going through many of the same problems when his band was coming up, saying, "I knew I was being exploited."

Man, Billy looks a lot like Wolf Hoffman, eh? Just doesn't sound like him or have the same credibility.

Mar 9, 2012

Manowar Lyrics Generator

Dude plays two guitars - at the same time

I can't believe my eyes. This guy plays "Always With Me, Always With You" from legendary Surfing with the Alien by Joe Satriani. He plays it on two guitars at the same time. This is almost a circus freak show. How does he do that? He obviously didn't stay up all night pounding booze.

Joe Satriani himself put a link to this on his Facebook. I'd give this guy a call, Joe.

Slash turns out to be child porn

A man who tried illegally downloading a Slash album says he accidentally found it to contain child pornography.

Nigel Robertson from Hull, England, admits he tried to steal the music, but insists the indecent image downloads were an accident.

"When I opened some of them up, I realised they were young girls," he told the Daily Mail. "I immediately called my wife. I was panicking. I asked her what she thought I should do and her response was to call the police. I was willing to take it on the chin for downloading the music. I half expected to get arrested for that but felt it was important because someone was obviously uploading this."

Now Robertson has been banned from seeing his own children for up to a year while police examine his hard drive.
"It has been a nightmare," he adds. "I feel like I am guilty until proven innocent. That is not the way I understood the British justice system to work."

If you do, would you stop illegal downloading if there was a chance it contained child pornography?

Mar 7, 2012

Rush vs Rush

According to, Canadian prog rock legends RUSH have sent a cease-and-desist letter to conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh demanding that he stop using their music on his radio show.

As seen in the vid below, Fat Pig Limbaugh made several inflamatory remarks about a Georgetown University law student last week, calling Sandra Fluke a "slut" and a "prostitute" after she argued that birth control should be covered by health insurance at religious institutions. He subsequently apologized, saying his choice of words was not the best.

What is Limbaugh going to do next? Blame metal for school shootings?

Mar 5, 2012

The F'n Osbournes

Get ready for the return of Black Sabbath to stage. Oops, scratch that, get ready for The Osbournes to return to the screen once again. According to C21 Media, Ozzy Osbourne and his family will voice stop-motion animated versions of themselves in a new TV comedy sitcom called "The F'n Osbournes". Canada's Cuppa Coffee Studios is producing the 20-episode series, which is being executive-produced by, you guessed it, Ozzy's wife/manager Sharon and his son, Jack. Suddenly claymated Glenn Benton looks pretty darn good.

Mar 2, 2012

Bringing Metal to the Children

So you've watched the movies This Is Spinal Tap and Monty Python and the Holy Grail a hundred times each, and now you desire another brilliant opus to tickle your cranial sponge in a similar fashion. Well, look no further, fellow Berzerkers! Golden god Zakk Wylde and his brother-in-Metal Eric Hendrikx are about to take you on a Black Label Crusade of World Tour Domination, sharing never-before-told stories of backstage lunacy and Metal-maniacal anecdotes for the aspiring Berzerker like you.

Why would you need to buy this book about a modern-day Viking who strums his own fiddle for a living? You'd better ask yourself one simple question: Would you rather have us come beat the money out of you, or do you want to give it up the easy and painless way?

As a twenty-five-year veteran of the Ozzy Osbourne band and Black Label Society, Zakk Wylde has managed not only to stay alive against all odds but has also survived numerous attacks on his life by members of his own band, his wife, his children, his manager, and even his dogs. Among deranged tales of onstage indecent exposure and booze-fueled destruction, Wylde continues your Metal awakening with the sacred founding myths—explaining, for instance, how the forging of Metal in Valhalla begot the Black Label Empire—and lays out the battle-tested Rules of the Road.

For the young Metal Loki, Wylde offers exclusive tips on how not to make it in the business, insights about planning your band's tour and outfitting the Black Vatican recording studio, plus more useful advice on how to set up a shooting range on a tour bus and how to survive a mosh pit. Bringing Metal to the Children will make you laugh, weep, vomit—maybe even soil yourself—and if you aspire to new heights of Metal mayhem, get on the bus and get ready for the Metal ride of your life.

"Bringing Metal To The Children" by Zakk Wylde, guitar legend and Black Label Society frontman - will finally be released on April 10 via William Morrow, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers. Wylde invites all who dare onto the tour bus for tales of glory, debauchery, and general mayhem. The book is co-authored by Eric Hendrikx.

An excerpt from the book can be found at this location (Facebook "Like" required).

Mar 1, 2012

Midweek Ghost guitar pick blues

Mysterious Swedish buzz band GHOST is now selling its official Dunlop guitar pick set via the group's webshop.

GHOST cult leader "Papa Emeritus" (rumored to be REPUGNANT/SUBVISION's Tobias Forge, who takes the stage in the form of "a satanic pope") and his anonymous ghouls recently teamed up with doom rockers BLOOD CEREMONY and ANCIENT VVISDOM for a two-week trek dubbed the "13 Dates Of Doom" tour that launched on January 18 in New York City and wrapped on February 2 in Los Angeles.

HOST will support MASTODON and OPETH on a North American tour in April/May. 

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