Dec 12, 2011

How to play Air Guitar

Possibly the most influential instrument of our time, the air guitar has inspired millions to pick up metal, all without knowledge of how to play the instrument or even how to read music. It's the spirit that counts and air guitarists worldwide have a meaningful connection through the joy of strumming away at the imaginary guitar.

How to steps:

  1. Find the right sort of music.

    Find the right sort of music.
    I recommend that you try thrash metal or power metal (if you are going to do a lot of solos), also you can't go wrong with old school grindcore, as these tend to have the right pace, energy and rhythm needed for good air guitar playing. On the whole, most other metal styles are a lot harder to play air guitar to, doom metal being too slow, Prog too melancholy and Math just plain too complicated. Definitely stay away from Tech-Death, unless you like to practice a lot. Also skip deathcore or emo-type-core, unless you like cock.
  2. Pick an appropriate song and section.
    Pick an appropriate song and section.
    A guitar solo section is always the best place to play air guitar. The longer this section, the better, giving you a great chance to really get involved in the playing. Be sure to include some riffs. 
  3. Listen to the notes first.

    Listen to the notes first.
    Try to imagine that you are creating the sounds that you're hearing. Part of imitating is believing, visualizing yourself up there on stage being the center of attention as the crowd hollers for more, more, more!
    • When you play the music for the air guitar session, metal must be as loud as you (and those around you) can withstand. It's best that way!
  4. Get the stance right.
    Get the stance right.
    Spread your legs out wide, bend your knees a bit and put your right hand about level with your crotch. Hold the guitar in place––bend both arms between 75 and 90 degrees, one hand in front of your belt buckle. Your palm should face you at the appropriate fret spot that a real guitar player would play frets and have the other hand up in the air with the fingers spread, bent and pointing toward you. Corpse paint is not necessary when you practice, but when you go live, it is a must.
  5. Start strumming and fingering the 'frets'.
    Start strumming and fingering the 'frets'.
    Fingering A minor should be good for beginner air-guitarist. When playing, here are some things to bear in mind:
    • The higher the note, the lower your hand should be placed.
    • Don't put your strumming hand down too low, no real guitar player will play with the guitar down to their knees, except Fieldy from Korn or Dino from Fear Factory or perhaps Rob from Metallica (if you choose to play air bass).
    • Occasionally caress the imaginary neck of your guitar, running your hand up and down it as if it was your groupies nipples.
    • Get moving! This isn't just about shifting your fingers and arms around. Get the whole body involved. Bend those knees, lift those legs, jump up and down now and then. Learn how to windmill and headbang without looking down at the strings. Jerky movements and slides across the "stage" are great additions too. Don't try to hide the cucumber in your pants.
      • If you want to be really cool, try some Jimi Hendrix style moves with your air guitar; behind your head, playing with teeth, doing spins and moves like that. You could even smash your guitar up at the end and the clean up is easy, and the replacement guitar won't cost a lot.
  6. Add some singing.
    Add some singing.
    While performing your exaggerated strumming motion, accompany this with loud singing or lip-syncing. This step is optional; you don't have to be a singing guitar player and you might not find a suitable combination of music with energetic singing. However, if you do love the lyrics, this can really help get you into the spirit.
    • Loud "woo's" are considered mandatory by some air guitar players, and so are facial movements reminiscent of looking like you're about to ejaculate.
  7. Grab a buddy.
    Grab a buddy.
    It's fun alone and twice the fun with someone else. Get an air buddy willing to jam with you. Maybe they can join in on bass? You will look much less ridiculous and others might even join in. In fact, the more the merrier. Let it rock!
  8. Finish with a bow.
    Finish with a bow.
    Finish with a bow. Your audience will applaud.
  9. Groupie action (photo not shown).
    After the show, be sure to use couch cushions to pretend you're nailing your imaginary groupie.

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